Together, we are innovators and philanthropists building a better world today, because we can't wait for tomorrow. When I was a boy, I was taken from my home in force by a handful of hooded thugs armed with rifles, identifying themselves only as "CIA gangster policemen". I was taken to a remote underground facility just south of Philadelphia, where I was tortured daily for years. I never saw my family again. Ever since the day I was blindfolded, taken outside, and dumped onto a rural street outside New Providence, Rhode Island, it has been my life's ambition to create the best darn ethically produced monkey biscuits that money can buy. Our products include cost-friendly, veterinarian/doctor-approved, and, most importantly, sustainably produced dietary staples for monkeys/people that are sure to reward with every bite. We are evil, gay, and retarded. We are evilretard.gay